The holidays bring big expectations for parents.
Whether aiming to simply delight your child or really wow them, a flashy tech product can seem like the fastest way to make their holiday dreams come true.
But experts say it’s worth reflecting on how that technology might upend your home life. A new gaming console can lead to arguments over time limits. Your preschooler may accidentally use their new tablet to play inappropriate games. That virtual reality headset your teenager begged for may trump in-person hangouts with friends.
One thing to know before you buy a gift card
Dr. Jenny Radesky, a developmental pediatrician who authored the American Academy of Pediatrics screen time guidelines for children ages zero to five, says there are thoughtful strategies for avoiding or managing these conflicts. (The AAP has its own set of related tips for parents.)
She recommends critically evaluating the tech you plan to gift, considering any alternatives as necessary, and then preparing to talk to your child about how they’ll use it.
“It’s good to have fun with your kids and enjoy their happiness,” Radesky says. “But there’s also really big differences in the design of different technologies that make them more of a headache for parents…”
And no one wants a headache after weeks of planning and prepping for holiday gift-giving.
Whether you’ve already purchased a tech device for your child, or plan to do so, here are five questions to ask yourself before you gift it:
Is the technology well-known?
Radesky says that buying your child a gaming console with years of user experience behind it is a different situation than purchasing a new AI-robot companion for your child (yes, such a thing exists).
With a Nintendo Switch or Sony PlayStation, you can scour expert reviews for pros and cons, talk to parents who own the console, and read related media coverage about their safety practices and parental controls. The same won’t be true of new and emerging products; you’ll have less information to make an informed decision, compared to other established tech products.
That said, trust your gut if you research a product that’s been on the market for years and develop concerns that it’s not right for you or your family.
Is it really educational?
Radesky says that children’s tech toys and devices often claim, without evidence, that they’re educational. The appealing marketing strategy can deceive parents into purchasing disappointing products.
There are devices and apps with simplistic designs and distracting ads, for example. And some products say they’ll help your child with a fundamental skill, like reading, but actually have a narrow scope, such as practicing the alphabet.
Radesky recommends that parents think about whether a so-called educational product is indeed better than a child’s own imaginative play, which can help them develop critical skills.
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“Open-ended and pretend play is a really important process for kids to develop mental flexibility, their attention span, and their ability to do storytelling in their heads,” Radesky says.
She also notes that educational claims aren’t vetted by a regulatory body in the U.S., nor are the companies that make them required to provide proof substantiating those claims.
Are there any safety or privacy concerns?
Each tech device has its own safety and privacy considerations, which creates a lot of work for parents. A smartphone, for example, can give marketers, predators, and bullies a direct line to your child. A new video game, popular amongst your child’s friends, might feature unexpectedly mature violent or sexual content.
To get a better handle on these issues, Radesky suggests that parents research what parental controls are available for devices and subscriptions.
Parents can also consult Common Sense Media’s wide-ranging reviews of games and apps. (Radesky has received research funding from Common Sense Media in the past.) Mozilla’s *Privacy Not Included guide offers reviews based on whether a product meets the company’s minimum security standards. The guide includes a number of children’s toys and games, as well as wearables and entertainment products, like Amazon and Apple tablets.
Once you better understand the potential safety and privacy tradeoffs, you can either decide against buying the product or choose to address them through parental controls or other protective settings.
Can you swap the tech out for something else?
Sometimes parents buy a tech device in an effort to solve one problem, like offering entertainment on long car rides, but the purchase inadvertently creates more conflict.
Radesky says parents should first consider how the tech will be used, and whether there’s a more effective alternative. A parent interested in gifting a tablet or phone so their child can listen to music might instead look into smart or screen-free speakers, for example.
While less well-known than an Amazon Echo, the Yoto, Toniebox, and Mighty offer different types of screen-free access to music, podcasts, and audiobooks.
Yoto Player review: This screen-free speaker keeps kids entertained and engaged
Privacy issues with these alternatives may still be a deal-breaker for some parents, but Radesky says they can also facilitate skill-building and social interactions in ways that a tablet can’t.
Without a screen to focus on, children have to train their attention on whatever is playing on the device. Additionally, smart or screen-free speakers mean family dance parties or conversations about a podcast are much more likely to happen than if a child is staring at a phone or tablet.
What conversation do you need to have with your child?
Radesky advises against letting your child use their gift without first talking to them about boundaries. You needn’t have that conversation as they tear off the wrapping paper, but it’s wise to chat with them before they start playing with the gift.
With their input, the discussion should focus on guardrails, such as parental controls and screen time limits. If there’s an onboarding or setup process, Radesky recommends that parents do it alongside their child. That gives parents an opportunity to talk about any safety concerns while normalizing communication about technology and devices.
Depending on the product, you may also need to download a companion app or create your own account in order to connect to and monitor your child’s account.
Importantly, parents should ensure that their child’s age is accurately entered during setup, as it can affect default safety settings, such as the ability to message with other users or what kind of personal data is collected.
If you don’t want to be a buzzkill, Radesky says you can let your child explore and play with their gift over the holidays with few or no time limits, then rein that use in before school starts.
Either way, parents should have low expectations of their child’s ability to stop playing over the holiday break, and Radesky recommends not becoming anxious about that reality. Approach it with curiosity when your child spends several hours playing a new video game by simply asking, “How did that feel?”
And if reflecting on your plans to gift tech these holidays now has you doubting the impulse purchase of a deeply discounted product, that’s OK. Radesky says you don’t have to commit to the gift.
“You really want to go in with a sense of, ‘I want to use this intentionally so that it doesn’t feel like we’re battling all the time,” she says.
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